There are a lot of things that hold me back from reaching my full potential and homesickness is definitely one of them. I suffer from homesickness a lot of the time and to some people this may make me sound like a baby but I’m not homesick for just home it’s more than that. I feel homesick for the past and for the future, for comfort and for people and places I may not ever be able to meet or see.
Like this past weekend when I got off the plane from London and some people’s parents were there to greet them, even entire families showed up to surprise their loved ones, I didn’t have anyone to run to or to share my stories with. Granted my “family” was in London with me but it still would have been nice to see Mom,Dad and Chloe Grace standing their with big smiles on their faces.
I read these words while scrolling through the blogosphere one day:
“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.” – The Winter of the Air
I feel like this really pinpointed the feeling. Does anyone else ever feel this way? How do you deal with homesickness?
As far back as I can remember, I’ve carried a constant feeling of homesickness every time I am away from my dwelling. While the feeling has manifested itself differently over the years, it’s always there. That gnawing discomfort that sits in the base of your stomach, tugging at your heart-strings with no mercy.
It all began one day when my Mom let me know I’d be starting kindergarten. At first it sounded like a great idea, but when I saw the bright yellow school bus chugging down my road, my stomach hit my kneecaps. I frantically ran into my backyard, giving my Mom and Aunt a mad-goose chase to grab me before the bus drove away. I thrashed about and yelled out, “I just need to spend time with my Barbies!” Life priorities, after all.
Much like a bad 1980’s comedy movie, when my Mom brought me to the bus…
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